So today,

I guess I will confess.

My name is Christie.

So I guess...

I fooled.

Those.

Anyways

Main point of this post is.

I really thank God for being who I am.

I'm so happy,
I'm not one of those girls who are "tonning"

Or whatever.

Who smoke,

Who shishas.

Or its spelt something like that.

Who goes to Club.

Who does drug.
I'm proud to say I'm not any of those.

Though I may not be brilliant in studies,

I didn't ruin my life.

But whatever the reason,

I thank those who messed up their life.

Cause because if it weren't for them,

I wouldn't of been an outlier.

Whatever the reason.

I thank my parents whom pay $28 000 for my schooling.

Amazing.

$28 000 for a year.

For that.

Yes,

I go to an international school.

Amazing right?

But don't worry we learn the same things as RGS.

Or whatever.

We will end up in University...

Whether we like it or not.

And I thank God for letting me finally adknowledge the fact of who I am.

Thank you God.

Thank you Mom and dad.

Thank you Jane.

Thank you Nicholas.

Thank you Calvin.

Thank you Jonathan.

Thanks Mel.

Thanks for the friends at school.

If it weren't for you guys,

My story wouldn't be written like it is.

Thanks.

Sarang hae.

Sometimes.. its better to act dumb then to be smart.

At times like this I wish I was still like a child.

Blocked from sensing reality.

Not needing to understand reality and the cruelty that comes along with it.

And I know as one day passes,

I am one day closer to finding my peace.

My home.

My palace.

So laugh,

So mock,

So enjoy the ride.

And I forgot,

There's one more thing I would like to say,

Dedicated to this bitch.

Don't worry..

The ride hasn't started yet.

So sit back.

And enjoy the

The Korean song.

Its more like,

Someone please tell me why am I living.

And someone tell me whats my name.

Cause I forgot what am I doing on this planet.

It was a horrible mistake.

A really horrible one.

Horrifying.

Horrified me.

X.

Well its time to go,

When the people call for you in the airport.

Its time to leave.

And whatever the reason,

I'm never coming back.
Cause being here was like hell.

Was even worst then living.

To me,

It truly made no sense to me at all.

So final post.

The life of mine.

I was destined for greatness,

I was supposed to be like them all,

To enjoy life and become a success.

A outlier you may say.

But..

Today,

I.

Confess I know I can't make it.

Even if my studies are alright.

Even if people think I'm pretty.

To me,

Its all lies.

Its all just artificial.

Cause.

When I wake up,

I wake up to only know the horrors of life.

I wake up to realize that life hasn't changed.

Its still the same motto.

If you don't die then I would.

And perhaps..

Thats whats different from me and you.

For you,

You will always find true friends.

For me,

I will never trust anybody.

To me,

Life is a lie.

Love is a lie.

Your existence is just a lie too.

Thus,

There truly is nothing more to say.

Oh,

I got a 91/100 for my honors math X.

Aren't you proud of me?

And for chemistry I finally got 86/100.

But you are no longer with me.

No longer supporting me but.

For what we had.

It was real.

It was alive.

And that is now eatting me dead.

To love at all is to be vulnerable.

Last post.

Last min.

12:34pm.

Ended.

Cheryl Lim never existed.

There's only one in my heart.

There's only one reason I'm living.

Whether I love life,

Whether I hate it.

I'm living it for one purpose.

May it be for just the living part,

Or may it be just for you.

Just...

My last words on my head at the end of the day is.

Cause you were there when I was ugly,

Cause you were there when I wasn't all that smart,

Cause you were there.

Just your presence.

Just your smile.

Just your everything.

Well I shall look at the bright side.

At least I had a love so true long ago.

At least it wasn't a dream cause everyday I can feel the pain eatting my soul up.

At least,

I never had to pretend who I was infront of you.

And for that.

I thank you my love.

I thank you for the memories.

The pain.

And the lessons learnt.

And it was for you that I changed,

And it was you that I only cared for,

And it was you that I would be willing to sacrifice my life for.

One bullet,

Someone shoot me dead please.

Tell me whats the purpose of living,

When you no longer feel alive.

-X